(***Update***-As most of you know, my journey to the "REAL TRUTH", began after reading an article in the Salt Lake City Weekly(called Whitewash), with the help of fired BYU Professor Darron Smith, that exposed the racism of Mormonism, specifically Brigham Young. Now, thanks to the reference and comment today from Demon of Kolob(Kent), I can refer everyone to yet another great article in The Salt Lake City Weekly, that exposes all the details of the true Mormon "Pickle Conspiracy"...LOL!! The contents are truly shocking, so I strongly caution everyone!! Thank you Bednar A. Picklehead for finally revealing to the world, the secret but precious and touching "parable of the pickle." I'm sure that countless souls all around the world have been deeply touched(after being dipped in Mormon blessed and consecrated Salt brine of course), with salty tears streaming down their faces. Stealing a line from the article, I think it's safe to say that now everyone has the right and duty, when they meet Bednar in person, to ask the question “Are you glad to see me, or is that a pickle in your pocket?”
From one pickle to another, this classic General Conference moment was truly crunchy and Vlastastic.***)
Well, it was close folks, but after an initial and preliminary count, it looks like pickle is the big winner, by a nose, just edging out cucumber 16-14, in the amount of times David A. Bednar used both words in his latest talk that he called "The Parable Of The Pickle." It appears that Cucumber has asked for a re-count and is pretty pissed off about the whole situation. How old is David A. Bednar anyways...like 5? How old does he think we are, like 2?
This had to be the dumbest, stupidest talk I've ever heard in a General Conference and Bednar thought he was some freaking, clever genius of some sort or even better, Jesus Christ reincarnated in 2007, speaking to all of us in "parables", because we are all too dumb to understand his words straight up. Yes, thank the Mormon God for the "parable of the pickle", or none of us would have had a clue what the guy was even talking about...LOL!! This talk is another instant classic.
I mean come on Bednar, "The Parable Of The Pickle?" Are you shitting me?!! The best part was when he asked at the beginning that the spirit of God be with him and us, as he spoke about "PICKLES and CUCUMBERS?" LOL!!I was actually doing quite well watching all the conference talks and actually staying awake, even with their hypnotic, rehearsed, monotone voices, until Bednar said PICKLE for the 10th time. That was when I passed out from grief and didn't wake up for like 2 hours, as I dreamed all about PICKLES...LOL!! I actually thought Bednar had become one and was an actual PICKLE, thus the inspiration for the above picture.
I mean has it really come down to this; speaking about pickles and cucumbers and comparing what they go through in their spiritual and temporal life, to human beings and what we must go through in the Mormon Church. So basically, all members start out as cucumbers and then are cleansed, soaked in a salty solution and turned into cleansed pickles?
My most famous post regarding Bednar, which ranks very high on Google searches, called him "The Kiss ASS Of The Century", which was even found to be too offensive for the angry Mormon Curtain and a post that was subsequently removed; which led me to ask for all of my posts to be removed since there is far worse all over the place over there and it was hypocritical and just a personal dislike and disdain for me, which I wasn't aware even existed.
I was just simply speaking the truth as I always do, with lots of passion and facts, which some just can't handle. Apparently my blog and Dr. Shades Mormon Discussion board, are about the only places I've found on the entire Internet, where I won't be censored or have my comments deleted. At least I have somewhere to freely express myself.
So now, I will become even more offensive, piss off even more people and officially call Bednar the "dumbass of the century" or the "picklehead of the century" and yes, most likely the future Mormon Prophet, if he can just out live all of the other old farts/frauds. Yeah, I know, many of you will probably be highly offended again, that I would dare speak this way about a "holy Apostle of God", in such a disrespectful way, but hey, it's my opinion and I'm sticking to it, with no apologies.
The Guy is an idiot, arrogant, condescending and acts holier than thou in every speech he gives. He gives every talk, as if he's preparing for his future Prophet-hood, building his legacy and he's a pompous ass, plain and simple.
Did anyone else notice that when he first told everyone that he was going to be talking about how a cucumber becomes a pickle, that people actually laughed their "polite Mormon laughter", because they thought the dumbass was just joking and trying to be funny? Sadly, I guess the joke was on them, as he was deadly serious about talking about cucumbers and pickles and went on to mention the words a combined 30 times...wow, what inspiration!!
I'll end with this bit of inspiration, directly from Satan himself(after I punched his time clock of course), that came to me in a miraculous vision:
David Bednar picked a peck of pickled peep stones; A peck of pickled peep stones David Bednar picked; If David Bednar picked a peck of pickled peep stones,where's the peck of pickled peep stones David Bednar picked?
That is the real question my friends and if anyone of you TBMS out there knows the answer, please let us all know, as we'll be anxiously awaiting...LOL!!
LONG LIVE "THE PARABLE OF THE PICKLE!!"
Samuel the Utahnite
