David A Bednar Picked A Peck Of Pickled Peep Stones..David A. Bednar's "PARABLE OF THE PICKLE." It's Touching And Guaranteed To Make Your Bosom Burn!!

(***Update***-As most of you know, my journey to the "REAL TRUTH", began after reading an article in the Salt Lake City Weekly(called Whitewash), with the help of fired BYU Professor Darron Smith, that exposed the racism of Mormonism, specifically Brigham Young. Now, thanks to the reference and comment today from Demon of Kolob(Kent), I can refer everyone to yet another great article in The Salt Lake City Weekly, that exposes all the details of the true Mormon "Pickle Conspiracy"...LOL!!

The contents are truly shocking, so I strongly caution everyone!! Thank you Bednar A. Picklehead for finally revealing to the world, the secret but precious and touching "parable of the pickle." I'm sure that countless souls all around the world have been deeply touched(after being dipped in Mormon blessed and consecrated Salt brine of course), with salty tears streaming down their faces. Stealing a line from the article, I think it's safe to say that now everyone has the right and duty, when they meet Bednar in person, to ask the question “Are you glad to see me, or is that a pickle in your pocket?”

From one pickle to another, this classic General Conference moment was truly crunchy and Vlastastic.***)

Well, it was close folks, but after an initial and preliminary count, it looks like pickle is the big winner, by a nose, just edging out cucumber 16-14, in the amount of times David A. Bednar used both words in his latest talk that he called "The Parable Of The Pickle." It appears that Cucumber has asked for a re-count and is pretty pissed off about the whole situation. How old is David A. Bednar anyways...like 5? How old does he think we are, like 2?

This had to be the dumbest, stupidest talk I've ever heard in a General Conference and Bednar thought he was some freaking, clever genius of some sort or even better, Jesus Christ reincarnated in 2007, speaking to all of us in "parables", because we are all too dumb to understand his words straight up. Yes, thank the Mormon God for the "parable of the pickle", or none of us would have had a clue what the guy was even talking about...LOL!! This talk is another instant classic.

I mean come on Bednar, "The Parable Of The Pickle?" Are you shitting me?!! The best part was when he asked at the beginning that the spirit of God be with him and us, as he spoke about "PICKLES and CUCUMBERS?" LOL!!I was actually doing quite well watching all the conference talks and actually staying awake, even with their hypnotic, rehearsed, monotone voices, until Bednar said PICKLE for the 10th time. That was when I passed out from grief and didn't wake up for like 2 hours, as I dreamed all about PICKLES...LOL!! I actually thought Bednar had become one and was an actual PICKLE, thus the inspiration for the above picture.

I mean has it really come down to this; speaking about pickles and cucumbers and comparing what they go through in their spiritual and temporal life, to human beings and what we must go through in the Mormon Church. So basically, all members start out as cucumbers and then are cleansed, soaked in a salty solution and turned into cleansed pickles?

My most famous post regarding Bednar, which ranks very high on Google searches, called him "The Kiss ASS Of The Century", which was even found to be too offensive for the angry Mormon Curtain and a post that was subsequently removed; which led me to ask for all of my posts to be removed since there is far worse all over the place over there and it was hypocritical and just a personal dislike and disdain for me, which I wasn't aware even existed.

I was just simply speaking the truth as I always do, with lots of passion and facts, which some just can't handle. Apparently my blog and Dr. Shades Mormon Discussion board, are about the only places I've found on the entire Internet, where I won't be censored or have my comments deleted. At least I have somewhere to freely express myself.

So now, I will become even more offensive, piss off even more people and officially call Bednar the "dumbass of the century" or the "picklehead of the century" and yes, most likely the future Mormon Prophet, if he can just out live all of the other old farts/frauds. Yeah, I know, many of you will probably be highly offended again, that I would dare speak this way about a "holy Apostle of God", in such a disrespectful way, but hey, it's my opinion and I'm sticking to it, with no apologies.

The Guy is an idiot, arrogant, condescending and acts holier than thou in every speech he gives. He gives every talk, as if he's preparing for his future Prophet-hood, building his legacy and he's a pompous ass, plain and simple.

Did anyone else notice that when he first told everyone that he was going to be talking about how a cucumber becomes a pickle, that people actually laughed their "polite Mormon laughter", because they thought the dumbass was just joking and trying to be funny? Sadly, I guess the joke was on them, as he was deadly serious about talking about cucumbers and pickles and went on to mention the words a combined 30 times...wow, what inspiration!!

I'll end with this bit of inspiration, directly from Satan himself(after I punched his time clock of course), that came to me in a miraculous vision:

David Bednar picked a peck of pickled peep stones; A peck of pickled peep stones David Bednar picked; If David Bednar picked a peck of pickled peep stones,where's the peck of pickled peep stones David Bednar picked?

That is the real question my friends and if anyone of you TBMS out there knows the answer, please let us all know, as we'll be anxiously awaiting...LOL!!

LONG LIVE "THE PARABLE OF THE PICKLE!!"

Samuel the Utahnite

The Mormon Church Is Really True!! I Had An Amazing Awakening Or Rapture Watching The Mormon General Conference!! Help..My Bosom Is On Fire!!

I was listening to the talk on tithing and how badly they need my money and my bosom just started to got hotter and hotter and it was burning like crazy, completely out of control. Then I started crying uncontrollably and sobbing like a little baby, feeling the depths of my awful sins and the need to humble myself and repent of my most awful sin of Apostasy, from the "one and only true church on the face of the planet."

I knew that I had to immediately erase all my blogs, my podcasts and head back to the Lord's church starting next week and confess everything and get that church court scheduled ASAP. I knew that I was indeed a filthy, dirty "disease germ full of darkness" like Boyd K. Packer calls me and an "anti-Christ/son of perdition", like Brigham Young called me.

I also strongly support Ballard's comments now, that people "should run from us apostates as fast as they can." We are indeed very dangerous individuals that are more threatening than predators, like the bishop's handbook says. I realized that the past history of Mormonism doesn't matter at all or one iota, no matter how awful, dark and ugly it truly is and that the racism in Mormonism is indeed just "little flicks of history", just like the beloved and current Mormon Prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley says.

I mean who cares if Joseph Smith was a God ordained, secret, serial adulterer that had sex with other men's wives and little girls as young as 14 years old, without telling his first wife Emma. Does that make the church false? Of course not, it doesn't even matter a little bit...what was I thinking?

Yeah, he was the founder, but so what, as he was just a man like us and human and besides, they don't do that stuff now and I wouldn't care if they did. I'd hand over any of my loved ones to the Prophet in a heartbeat, if Hinckley asked for them. What matters is now!! The inspired past of Mormonism is closed and we shouldn't dwell on it or worry about all that stuff that Satan uses to rob us of our testimonies and lead us down the road to hell.

All of you evil apostates and sons of perdition out there really need to repent of your awful sins, before it's too late and God punishes you to a lower Kingdom, if it isn't already too late. Put aside your pride and realize that facts, truth and evidence don't matter at all, because it's really all about the "burning bosom" and "HOW YOU FEEL" and nothing else.

It's time to realize that there is only "one true path to Eternal happiness", just like "Preach my gospel" says and it's to be a Mormon and no other way. I feel sorry for all of you poor lost souls out there that don't have the "one and only true gospel" in your lives, that have allowed Satan to seal you his. You're all pathetic and evil and you need to get back on the straight and narrow path and grab onto that iron rod Lehi and Joseph's dad talked and dreamed about.

I also realize that Bednar was right on the money, when he said that if you men are dating a woman that won't remove her 2nd earing from each ear, that you should end the relationship immediately, no questions asked, no matter what plans you have or how much you love each other. And he's right, it was never about the earrings you fools, but about "exact obedience" to Gordon B. Hinckley. That's what it's really all about!! What made you think the earrings were the issue anyway?

Whether David A. Bednar is inspired by God to talk about pickles or earrings, he is one amazing man of God, who speaks directly for Jesus Christ himself and he is so very humble in his way and manner of speaking and I love how he properly and carefully annunciates each word perfectly. He is just a very humble servant of Jesus Christ and nothing more. All I can say is wow!!

You can clearly see why Jesus told him to name that building at BYU-Idaho after Gordon B. Hinckley and why he was then rewarded by being called as an Apostle. Jesus rewarded him for that great deed in honoring the modern day Moses. Gordon B. Hinckley was just obeying Jesus Christ when he named David A. Bednar as Apostle.

I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt, with every fiber of my being, that Jesus Christ commanded Gordon B. Hinckley to allow alcohol to be served in Jesus' new malls and that it had nothing to do with money or the millions they got from each restaurant that bought the space. Jesus saw it as a way to bring in more non-members to shop at his malls and then to try to convert them later.

I mean if there wasn't any alcohol, they wouldn't want to go there, right? Who wants to go to McDonald's or Wendy's, when you can eat at Applebee's or the Olive Garden or Chili's, right? Just hearing that there is alcohol, will bring in people from everywhere and all around the world, to have a drink at the Mormon's/Jesus' malls and then the missionaries will be able to jump into action.

I hear(and it may just be a faith promoting rumor) that they might institute free drawings in the bars for miscellaneous prizes, in order to help collect names for the missionaries, which is just brilliant and directly inspired by God and Jesus, through their Prophet Hinckley, the only man on the entire planet that can speak for God. Like they say,the Lord works in very mysterious ways and we just can't understand him sometimes and it will all make sense in the next life.

If God/Jesus needs to tempt people with booze, in order to convert them to the "one true Mormon Gospel", then so be it and who are we to question the ways of God/Jesus and Gordon B. Hinckley. To even question a little bit is complete and utter blasphemy and it disgusts me that lowlife scumbag apostates or weak members, would even think of doing this awful, highly offensive thing.

I could go on, but it's time for me to now call on all of you evil "disease germ" apostates to repentance and to return to the "one true church on planet earth" and repent and forsake your sins of apostasy. Gordon B. Hinckley is the Prophet and you must repent before it is too late and you are burned at the 2nd coming, which is just right around the corner.

It's never too late to have a change of heart, at least for some of you evil sinner apostates!!

APRIL FOOLS...LOL!!

Samuel the Utahnite